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Tories will soon be able to take control of their country and also take control of the care of a patient recovering from surgery, it has been announced today.
Facing a growing demand for beds coupled with predicted nursing shortages directly as a result of Brexit, the government is considering an ‘AirBnB’ style scheme for patients recovering from surgery to receive care in the house of a complete stranger nearby.
Health chiefs are discussing the idea of paying willing hosts £50 per night in exchange for them taking a recently operated patient under their roof and to feed and care for them while they recover from potentially life-threatening surgery.
Health executive Eleanor Gay told us, “This scheme, if introduced, will provide local homeowners with a little extra income and all they will have to do is bung three meals per day into the microwave and just pray that the patient staying in their home doesn’t suddenly go into cardiac arrest.
“And it will be good for the patient to get out of the hospital environment and to receive care in a new and exciting fashion. It can’t fail.”
Tory voter Simon Williams responded positively to the idea, saying, “I’d happily take someone into my home who is recovering from surgery in exchange for a bit of cash.
“After all, that is what capitalism is all about – people all pulling together for a few quid despite not knowing exactly what they are doing, and with potentially disastrous outcomes.
“But if we think positively about it then I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
He paused then added, “I will be charging two hundred quid a night for any patients that don’t speak English, though.”
