The government has announced plans to increase patriotism by getting school children to begin the day by singing a new ditty names ‘Brexit is Wonderful’.
All school children between 4 and 16 will be asked to stand for the new anthem each morning, and those not singing enthusiastically enough will be punished with detention where they will be forced to sit and watch Brexit re-education videos from the Department for Exiting the EU.
“The next generation is so important,” a government spokesperson told us.
“It’s become clear over the last couple of days that those young people already in higher and further education are perhaps a little beyond our reach when it comes to Brexit indoctrination, but there’s no reason we can’t get the younger children thinking Brexit is wonderful.
“Because it is, by the way, Brexit is wonderful, that’s why we have to get involved in independent educational matters to see what they’re saying about it, to ensure everyone agrees with us about how brilliant it is.”
Lyrics of the new song include, “Our great nation enjoying freedom from the European yoke”, “You can’t put a price on sovereignty” and “The EU is evil, we can’t be clearer than that”.
8-year-old Jack Williams was involved in rehearsals for the song before it is rolled out across the country.
He told us, “Yeah, it’s a bit shit – but some of us have already changed the words to ‘Brexit is a big turd’, which is both amusing to me as a child, and also scans better than the original.
“I mean, I’m only eight, but even I realise Brexit is a f*cking shit show.”