The studies commissioned by the Department for Exiting the European Union on the economic and societal impacts of leaving the EU are unavailable for public consumption because they have been consumed by David Davies dog, according to reports.
Wide-ranging in their scope, the reports were designed to predict the full impact of Brexit across many areas of the UK economy and were expected to be damning in their conclusions.
A huge public campaign with the backing of over a hundred cross-party MP’s has piled pressure on the Brexit secretary to make the reports public. However in a statement today, Davies claimed they were no longer available and he didn’t have any copies saved anywhere.
The statement read: “I was going to release the reports this morning. I had them in my duffel bag last night ready to bring to work, but when I came down to the kitchen, Sean, my Basset Hound, was there looking guilty.
“He’d shredded the reports and eaten most of them, He’s a bad dog! Fortunately, I remember pretty much what they said – which is that Brexit is going to be brilliant, and all we need to do is get behind it and stop with the doom and gloom.
“Therefore you don’t need to see them as I’ve just told you what they all contained.”
Sean was unavailable for comment as he was busy applying for an Irish passport.