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Fresh from being found guilty of multiple counts of fraud, Martin Shkreli is rumoured to have been offered the job as Donald Trump’s new Director of Communications.
Shkreli, who infamously hiked the price of AIDS treatment by over 5000% in 2015 and became one of the most hated and reviled men in the world, was described by one White House official as having ‘the perfect credentials’.
“I’m telling you, and trust me, I know people, Martin Shkreli is a man of vision,” remarked President Trump, from the 12th hole of his latest golf course.
“I love his style, his clever words. He has so many clever words. The best words. Almost the best words, almost as good as mine.
“He’s an entrepreneur too, like me. Now there’s a guy who really knows how to stimulate market growth. So what if a few sick people are wiped out in the process? That’s no issue to me, as you can tell by attempts to repeal Obamacare.
“Martin’s only mistake as far as I’m concerned was trying to rip off rich people. They count, after all.
“I said to him – Martin, by all means get rich by exploiting the desperation of seriously ill people, but don’t turn on your own people. You’ve been a bad boy, I said. But not to worry folks, I’m sure he’s learned his lesson.”
However, Shkreli yet to accept the White House position, only commenting he wasn’t sure he was “quite ready to be THAT despised”, and that he “had more chance of surviving in prison”.
