Some of England’s heatwave “should belong to Scotland” demands Nicola Sturgeon

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Nicola Sturgeon attacked England last night for sweltering under a heatwave while Scotland makes do with second-rate weather.

Muffled against seasonal heavy winds, low clouds and driving sleet, Sturgeon addressed a political meeting in Oban yesterday to draw attention to “this grotesque meteorological inequality.”

“Some of those English degrees of heat should belong to Scotland,” she told a shivering, dripping audience.

“We’ve all seen those pictures of the decadent English basking on hot, sandy beaches and enjoying temperatures of thirty degrees or more,” she said, holding up a newspaper

“Even the name of the newspaper, The ‘Sun’, is a deliberate provocation,” she added, looking at the front page.

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“Many people in Scotland have never seen the sun.”

And Sturgeon told reporters she would be unremitting in her claims for fairness.

“A free Scotland would demand an immediate and equitable redistribution of temperature,” she said.

But commentators doubt whether Ms Sturgeon’s latest initiative will gain her sufficient support to make up for election losses.

“We like the weather as it is up here,” one audience member told us.

“It keeps the English out.”