Theresa May pulls out of Radio 4 interview as it clashes with monthly shedding of her scales

The Prime Minister has bowed out of appearing on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour this morning as she is expected to completely shed her scales at some point today.

The process, which normally takes place every four weeks, requires the Prime Minister to spend the day in a moist, dark environment such as the Conservative Party election bus to aid the shedding and subsequent replenishment of her scales.

“Unfortunately, due to personal reasons I will be unable to take part in the interview on Woman’s Hour this morning,” she hissed to reporters.

“Much as I would love to show the strength, stability and unremitting glory of the Conservative party through repeating the same old slogan over and over again on the radio, I will regretfully have to rest at home for the next day or two. Purely for medical reasons, you understand.

“But rest assured that I will be back on my um, feet, shall we say, in time for our inevitable victory next Thursday.”

Grimacing menacingly she added “Sssssstrong and sssssstable” before swallowing a whole rat.

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