Shock as Conservative minister gives straight answer

The political world was left stunned yesterday as Tory minister Brandon Lewis gave a straight answer to a question.

The minister was asked to confirm a timeframe for reducing migration to ‘tens of thousands’ and responded by saying ‘Within the next parliament’ rather than ‘Strong and stable things’, ‘Jeremy Corbyn is a big nobber’, or any of the other handful of Theresa May-approved responses to questions.

“It absolutely went off in Number 10,” said a Tory insider.

“First of all there was just this silence, this moment of absolute disbelief that someone could give a straight, honest answer on a policy question. Then there was just chaos.”

“Amber Rudd threw a chair out of the window, David Davis burst into tears and Boris Johnson shat himself.

“Although, to be fair, it’s a rare day that he doesn’t.

“I mean, giving a straight answer to a question? That’s not what the Tory campaign is about. If everyone went about giving straight answers to questions we’d never get into Government again.”

It is understood that when Theresa May found out about Mr Lewis giving the straight answer she immediately channelled the dark side of the Force to crush his throat for his incompetence.

Mr Lewis will play no further part in the election campaign.

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