Rare tigers found behind Wetherspoons in Chelmsford

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A new breeding ground for the rare Indochinese tiger has been discovered behind the Wetherspoons in Chelmsford, by the bins.

A small population with at least six cubs was discovered by a barman as he was disposing of the morning’s recycling.

“Yeah, it was lunchtime, Wednesday. Barry off the market had just passed out face-down in a pool of his own vomit so I thought I’d pop out the recycling while it was quiet,” said Simon Williams, the bar supervisor in question.

“I was just emptying out the glasses when I heard a noise. I thought it might be Mousey Mary, this old homeless woman who sometimes sleeps by the bins, so I was going to give her a bag of crisps and a WKD, but when I looked, it was this load of tigers.”

Mr Williams kept his head.

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“I just threw the crisps – cheese and onion, they were – I just threw them towards the tigers so they could tell I was friendly.”

It was then that Mr Williams realised the significance of his find.

“They came a bit closer and started sniffing around the crisps and I just thought ‘blow me, these aren’t your common or garden tigers, these are those rare Indochinese tigers you read about,’ so I got straight on to the World Wildlife Fund and everything took off from there.”

Mr Williams revealed that it wasn’t the first time he’d come into contact with a rare, endangered species.

“Yeah, only last Sunday I found a snow leopard in the bogs.”

“Funny old place, Chelmsford.”