Local hipster Simon Williams has shaved off his stupid beard and put his waistcoat in the bin before all the others think of doing it.
Booking in to have his tattoo of a dolphin surrounded by roses lasered off, Simon told us that pretty soon all the hipsters will have enough of the fad and he wants to be able to tell them he did it ages before anyone else.
“I’ll be the first person I know to stop smoking a pipe and having a bowl of cereal for my evening meal,” he said.
“God, the others are going to be so jealous of me for getting there first.
“I’ve bought get a polo shirt, and I’ll have four pints of Carling and some chips for dinner.
“It’s going to be so ironic.”
Simon has quit his job writing apps for people who bake artisan fairy cakes, and says he plans to retrain as a plasterer before all the others.
“I’ve started smoking Benson and Hedges,” he said. “It’s so post-post-modern the guys are all going to die of jealousy.”