Thousands of men across the World have been revealed as spineless liars after circulation of Playboy magazine plummeted after the decision to stop showing pictures of naked ladies on its pages.
The rabbit-eared magazine, 63 and a Libra, was inconsolable as she told reporters of the situation; “I was just feeling a bit embarrassed, you know.
“I’m in my 60s and still showing off totally nude bums and boobs – other magazines my age are all doing basically the same but with the illusion of minuscule clothing.
“Anyway I talked to my readers, and 100% of them said it made no difference to them as they definitely only read me for the articles anyway.
“So I covered the muff and everyone left! They DID like the nakedness after all – they FIBBED to me!”
Today the once top shelf mag vowed to ‘Bring back the bits’ in an effort to boost its numbers among the nostalgic and technophobic.
Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, 90, told reporters, “To be quite honest I thought there was no place left in the world for the old style photoshoots.
“Not today when you can look for ten seconds on the Internet and watch a Donald Trump-alike fingering a donkey while a lady dressed as his daughter buggers him with a strap on.
“But it turns out that not all men want hyper-graphic close up scenes of genitals being mashed together or blurry stolen morally reprehensible private phone pics of famous girls.
“Some men want tasteful, consensual pictures of naked girls their daughter’s age. Who knew?”
Simone Williams, 19, welcomed the boob return. “Well, thank heavens.
“I’m not famous, so no one wants to see me lounge around with my clothes on. I’m not tall enough to be a fashion model, and I have a mild aversion to being penetrated multiple times on camera.
“Why, if Playboy hadn’t returned to nude shoots I might have to go to college and become a veterinarian or something.
“Hand me that vajazzler, would’ja?”