Doomsday preppers across the country are already half-way through their first bottle of urine, according to reports.
Within minutes of news breaking about the terrible attacks in the heart of Europe, a dull ‘pop’ could be heard from a neighbour’s coal bunker, followed by the acrid whiff of ammonia.
“You can’t be too prepared,” said survivalist Simon Williams.
“I’ve been bottling my urine for months now, ever since the attacks on Paris.”
Carefully stored in date order, each bottle is labelled with tasting notes.
Simon’s first magnum is ‘best served with red meats’, on account of last April’s asparagus consumption.
Williams was asked why he hadn’t instead stored tap water, but he scoffed at the suggestion.
“This stuff is isotonic and naturally filtered, you don’t know where that bland corporate water has been,” he insisted.
“And this is free range too, at least it was until I locked myself in here.”
Williams claims to have enough supplies to last a year, but admitted that his planning could have been better.
“For hygiene reasons, it’s necessary for me to bag up my own faeces”, he revealed.
“But now I think about it, it might not have been a bad idea to get in some crisps instead.”