Miliband urges middle-class to form union

author avatar by 9 years ago

Labour leader Ed Miliband has told the middle classes that the best way to get what they want is to form a union to represent their interests.

Miliband addressed the middle classes in an announcement which said falling living standards could soon see them having to shop in places other than Waitrose and Marks & Spencer.

He told the audience of middle class individuals, “You are struggling, and unfairly so. Your weakness as individuals is being exploited to hold you back.”

“And if history has shown us anything, it’s that getting together to form a union is the best possible way to get what you want.”

“So come together in your millions, not forgetting to pay your union fees, and let me show you what contributing funds to Labour can give you.”

“We will fight for your interests like never before, and you will have the support of your fellow middle-class individuals at your shoulder throughout.”

Miliband addresses middle-classes

Members of the middle-class have reacted with surprise at the suggestion, insisting that they thought unions were for poor people.

Accountant Simon Williams explained, “I’m not averse to joining a middle-class union in principle, as long as they don’t let any proles in.”

“And I won’t have to go out onto the street and hold up one of the awful placards will I?”

“Look, all I’m saying is that any sort organisation that can get a tube driver nearly fifty grand a year and 30 days paid holiday really shouldn’t be dismissed too early.”

“If they can do that for someone who essentially presses a button every couple of minutes, imagine what they could do for me!”