Wednesday 6 February 2013

Will chipped dogs stop shitting everywhere, asks everyone

Having all dogs electronically chipped sounds nice in principle, but will it reduce the likelihood of treading in dog shit, everyone asked this morning.

With all dogs expected to be chipped by 2016, pedestrians everywhere wondered if they might be able to stop throwing away perfectly good shoes by 2017.

Regular dog shit treader Simon Williams told us, “Tracking dogs electronically is all well and good, but is there something we can embed in their arse? You know, so they can only shit within 10 feet of their owner’s house?”

“Surely we have the technology for that? If scientists can grow a human ear on a mouse, then closing a dog’s anus should be a piece of cake.”

“I’ve thrown away three pairs of shoes in the last year and now the hall carpet has got to go – don’t ask – so the sooner they address the real issue with this nation’s dog community, the better.”

Dogs to be chipped

Others have suggested that maybe the chips should be embedded within the dog owners themselves, rather than their pets.

Pedestrian Wendy Jones backs the plan, “We could link it to some sort of app, and then we can track how much dog shit they’ve picked up.”

“Any dog owner not picking up enough dog shit will be sent to prison, or deported – I’m not fussed which.”

“And why stop there, let’s chip the poor people and see how they’re spending their benefits?

“I mean, when have you ever known a poor person refuse a free chip?”

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