Any hole’s a goal, confirm deep sea squid

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US research into the sex life of the mysterious deep-sea squid has revealed that the sex-mad cephalopods aren’t fussy about where they shove their bulging spermatophoric gland.

The researchers went through hours of video footage taken over 20 years by Remotely Operated Vehicles, and concluded that the sizzling foot-headed sauce-pots had an insatiable lust for anything with a bilateral symmetry.

The findings revealed that male squid indiscriminately and swiftly inseminate every squid that they encounter without even so much as a by your leave.

It is not clear whether the squids relaxed attitude towards the identity of their sexual partners is the result of poor visibility or a simple case of red hot ommastrephes looking to get their tentacles on any slender body with a pair of rounded caudal fins that happens to be going by.

Promiscuous Squid

Hendrik Hoving, from the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI), explained: “It’s pretty steamy stuff down there. The number of sperm packages that we found indicates that there’s only one thing on a squids mind – and it isn’t Plankton.”

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Concerns that the deep-sea sex machines are turning the watery depths into an x-rated ocean of depravity have been dismissed by Mr Hoving and his team.

“They’re just squid,” he concluded.