EU makes Cliff Richard promise he will stop

The EU has agreed to extend the copyright on musical recordings to seventy years on the understanding that Cliff Richard will not write another song as long as he lives.

The septegenarian singer has been at the forefront of a legal battle that should now ensure that no-one has to listen to a new Cliff Richard record ever again.

An EU spokesperson said, “We are delighted to announced this historic agreement, and we’re sure that music lovers everywhere will welcome the end of Cliff Richard’s recording career.”

“We feel that an extra twenty years on copyright of musical recordings is a fair compromise when measured against the threat of a new Mistletoe and Wine.”

“Cliff has guaranteed he will never stand in front of a recording mic again, so everyone on Europe should see this as a victory.”

EU wins Cliff Richard battle

Arguments were heard on both sides, but a breakthrough came when Cliff decided to entertain the courtroom during a brief recess.

EU lawyer Simon Williams said, “He sang the first few bars of Living Doll and that was it, I knew I had to stop him.”

“We settled on seventy years, but I’d have gone to a hundred for his solemn word that his recording career was finished, so yes, this is a victory.”