Labour pledge to make semites as welcome as antisemites
Labour has sought to draw a line under recent claims of antisemitism by pledging to make Semites, particularly Jews, as welcome in the party as antisemites are.
Britain First supporter taught to mimic human speech
Scientists have hailed a breakthrough after a Britain First supporter was taught to mimic human speech.
Sky a funny colour confirms absolutely everyone on Facebook
Literally everyone on Facebook has confirmed that the sky is currently a funny colour.
Queen to spend 91st birthday slumped in underpants on sofa wondering what she’s done with her life
In contrast to last year’s national festivities, the Queen is to spend her birthday slumped in her pants on the sofa, drinking strong lager, and binge-watching old episodes of It Ain’t Half Hot Mum.
Dog can’t believe owner didn’t actually throw ball
A dog was left reeling yesterday after his owner pretended to throw a ball but actually didn’t.
Don’t mention the Brexit, says Jeremy Corbyn, I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it
Jeremy Corbyn accidentally mentioned Brexit yesterday, but is confident that he got away with it without anyone noticing.
Everyone on Facebook absolutely certain of election result
With the announcement of the snap General Election barely a day past, literally everyone on Facebook is completely certain of the result.
George Osborne to become editor of Razzle
Ex-Chancellor and twice Hi-Vis Jacket Wearer of the Year has been appointed the new editor of popular pornography magazine Razzle.
