A man who is insisting today that the American Bully XL should not be banned in the UK is also surprisingly reluctant to leave his kids in the same room alone with one while he quickly nips to the toilet.
McDonald’s has announced plans to cut energy costs by limiting the temperature of its hot apple pies to 5000 celsius.
MP Mike Amesbury has been spotted working part-time in a prison laundry to top up his £91k salary, which he is currently receiving for being a member of parliament.
Donald Trump has insisted today that Poland should apologise for starting World War II.
A man who stayed up late to watch last night’s Super Bowl is enjoying a full and frantic day of telling everyone he knows that he stayed up for last night’s Super Bowl.
Donald Trump will move the Gaza strip to Texas it is revealed today in dramatic new plans to end the Middle Eastern conflict.
A homeworker has narrowly escaped death from starvation today after completely forgetting to have his second breakfast at approximately half-past ten this morning. Simon Williams, who usually has his first breakfast at half seven, when he gets up with the kids for school, realised he’d completely forgotten his second breakfast earlier after suffering severe stomach
Journeyman politician Lee Anderson is set to rejoin Labour until the end of the season it has been revealed this afternoon.
A man is absolutely furious today after completing a 40-minute lunchtime run which counted for absolutely nothing after completely forgetting to wear his new Fitbit in order to track his progress.
Chinese AI entrant ‘DeepSeek’ is really shit and doesn’t actually know anything, according to ChatGPT this morning.
A man who owns an air fryer was devastated today after missing out on a conversation about cooking where he could have mentioned his air fryer. Again.
Erling Haaland has signed a new 115 year contract an Manchester City, it has been revealed this morning.
Tyson Fury has announced his latest retirement from boxing this week, which will remain in force until his next professional boxing match, probably later this year.
2 million bottles of Lynx Africa have been spotted on the loose in the UK it is revealed today.
The year 2025 is still ‘pretty shit’ according to Australians who have now begun bringing in the New Year because they live in the future. With literally billions of people around the globe desperate to see the back of the year 2024 once and for all later this evening, concerning reports have started to emerge
A man opening his third chocolate orange of the day has insisted today that he just needs to get everything out of the house by New Year.
The government has today revealed a number of new initiatives to take money away from pensioners it is revealed.
A US pilgrim who was found wandering barefoot in Syria has been spotted being led into an interview room by Carrie Mathison, it has been revealed today.
Jay-Z has revealed today that he has now reached 100 problems.
Roy Keane has spent his third night standing angrily in a car park in Ipswich, it has been revealed this morning. The former player turned pundit, who told onlookers he was ‘waiting for someone’ was spotted in the car park outside Portman Road earlier, after reportedly standing there for 72 hours straight following a game
Captain sir Tom’s family have issued a full and frank denial of any wrongdoings surrounding money made from the Captain Tom Foundation, in their brand new tell all memoir, available from all good bookshops for £19.99.
A man has already started his third bottle of ‘Christmas’ Baileys it has been revealed today.
Foreign Secretary David Lammy has insisted today that he has always really liked Donald Trump and definitely wanted him to win the US election. Honest.
A confused Joe Biden has been spotted casting his vote in the US Presidential elections today, for his former opponent, Donald Trump. With voting underway across America in the closest election for years, Joe Biden was seen out and about earlier to cast his vote, and urged millions of Americans to follow suit and ‘Make
The government has announced an emergency ‘Trick or Treat’ tax for children that will come into force with immediate effect.
A man has genuinely considered actually eating a pumpkin today it is revealed after spotting them in his supermarket.
The Menendez brothers have applied for an immediate transfer to a UK maximum security prison it is revealed today, so that they can be released early like all the other prisoners.
A man’s porch is covered in small flies today along with the horrible smell of rotting veg, after going far too early with the carved pumpkins once again this year.
A man has begun his weekly task today of replacing old uneaten bananas and spuds with fresh ones he’s bought from the supermarket.
The government is set to announce a new windfall tax targeting the twats who have enough money to continually set off fireworks in the middle of October.
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