Donald Trump only visited White House bunker to see a man about his bone spurs

President Trump has insisted the only reason he went to the White House bunker while protests raged on Pennsylvania Avenue was to see a man about a flare-up of his bone spurs.

After finding out that #bunkerboy was trending worldwide alongside his growing reputation as a coward, the President went on to explain that he had a real and definitely genuine medical reason for going to the bunker.

“Bone spurs are painful and need regular attention, everyone is saying that,” he told reporters.

“It just so happened that mine started giving me trouble as soon I heard people shouting at me from the street. Obviously I would have bravely gone out there and listened to their protests, as protected by the Bill of Rights.

“But my bone spurs meant it would be too difficult. That’s when I made the appointment with my bone spur guy, and the only meeting room available was in the bunker.

“Someone else had booked the Oval Office, and we operate a first-come-first-served policy. I’m certainly not going to interfere with that.

Trump’s bone spur guy, Dr Chuck Williams, told us, “As a definite professional medical person who does medicine things, I can assure you that it is perfectly normal for bone spurs to reappear when you need them to.

“No-one should be remotely concerned about their appearance only when the president gets scared of something. This is how the body functions for healthy seventy-something men.

“He will recover perfectly, just as soon as any danger whatsoever has passed.”

Make Orwell Fiction Again – get the T-shirt