Boris Johnson’s new son already impregnated nanny

Boris Johnson’s three-day-old child has already got his nanny up the duff, according to reports this morning.

The Prime Minister’s son, who was born on Friday, has shown a precocious and indiscriminate sexuality which onlookers are mystified which side of his family he might have inherited it from.

“It was like that episode of Father Ted, but instead of the baby being hairy he was corpulent and looked like a mop,” said onlookers.

“And yet nearby women found him unaccountably irresistible. Reports from the hospital suggested that three nurses were left in a swoon before he left the ante-natal ward, and several mothers nursing newborns in the maternity wing are already expecting again.”

Boris’ son was introduced to his nanny yesterday evening, leading to what The Sun newspaper described as a series of ‘romps’ through the new nursery in Chequers – with inevitable results.

“Babies at three days old aren’t supposed to be crawling to the nearest female leg. He’s very advanced in that respect.

“I suppose we’d better get used to this,” an anonymous member of staff said. “It’ll be like having a randy spaniel about the place, humping anything that moves.”