Plumber/gardener/electrician based pornography ‘practically extinct’

The cheeky, occupation-based pornography that formed the basis of so many sexual awakenings has nearly died out.

Researchers at the Institute for Adult Entertainment discovered that modern pornography takes no such time to give characters a name, let alone an occupation.

“Time was the gardener would pop round to do some work on the hedges, the housewife would make him a cup of tea and one thing would lead to another, in a way that was still pornographic but somehow also cheeky and light-hearted enough that it seemed alright.

“Now it’s just a woman on a sofa while a bloke in sunglasses hammers away. We don’t even know his name, let alone whether or not he actually came round to mend the television.

“If there is a job title to be had in modern pornography, it’s ‘bloke who happens to be there and has a penis’, which isn’t really a job.”

Modern porn star, Simon Le Dong, said, “No, I’ve never had to pretend to be a heating technician.

“Honestly, it’s enough pressure maintaining an erection in front of an entire production crew, let alone pretending to feign interest in a thermostat.

“I don’t know how those blokes in the 70s did it. They should get a parade.”