Jeremy Corbyn to table motion to invoke civil war

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn will today propose legislation to invoke a British civil war between those who believe in Brexit and those who would prefer to remain in the EU.

The motion comes in the wake of Prime Minister’s determination to leave the EU with or without a deal.

“I think it’s quite clear that the only sensible way to settle all this is with a brutal bloody civil war that pits friend against friend, husband against wife and dog against cat,” explained Mr Corbyn.

“As such, I will be putting the motion to the house and I hope that good sense will prevail, the honourable members will vote for the motion, and initial skirmishes can begin on the parks and high streets of our country by tea-time.”

After several years of deadlock around the issue of Brexit, it is many people’s view that the only sensible way to finally settle the issue is with a brutal and bloody war.

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“Well, we’ve tried a general election, several Prime Ministers, a new 50p coin, and still the issue of Brexit rages on,” said Simon Williams, war enthusiast.

“What else is there left but war?

“I think a good civil war could finally allow the country to put Brexit behind it and move on with a programme of infrastructure projects, that the country will obviously so desperately need after a civil war.”

It is understood that within Parliament, Mr Corbyn’s proposal has broad support across the benches, particularly with Tory MP Mark Francois who reportedly ‘went off in his pants’ when he was made aware of developments.