Abusing nuns instead of kids is definitely progress, insists Pope

Pope Francis has admitted that clerics have sexually abused nuns, and in one case they were kept as sex slaves, but on the plus side, none of them were children this time.

He said, in that case, his predecessor, Pope Benedict, was forced to shut down an entire congregation of nuns who were being abused by priests, which is a bit different to the systemic attempts to cover up child abuse throughout the Catholic church.

As the Pope explained, “No-one is defending the sexual slavery of nuns who wanted to do nothing but be married to God but ended up being fucked over, literally, by the men in power above them. However, it’s not like any kids got raped along the way.

“Again, I feel I have to say that I’m not defending the treatment of those nuns, I just think it’s only right that we acknowledge there is some progress here, what with church clerics waiting until the victims were at least adults.

“Slowly slowly catchy monkey and all that.”

Meanwhile, people in the comments below this story have been quick to ask why this is about the Catholic church and there aren’t any jokes being made about the Muslim grooming gangs who do ‘much worse’.

Freedom fighter and independent moron-herder Tommy Robinson has also insisted this news is yet further proof that the so-called ‘religion of peace’ is nothing but a haven for depraved perverts seeking sexual gratification from the weak and vulnerable.

Well, he was insisting that, right up until he found out it was Christians that did it, then he decided to shut up for a bit.

Advertisement

WANT TO GET RIDOF ALL THE ADS?

Support topical satire for the price of one coffee month!

SUBSCRIBE HERE →