Tuesday 5 February 2019

Honesty no longer the best policy, confirms Liam Neeson


Liam Neeson honesty not the best policy

Explaining that you did something you’re not proud of in an honest an open manner is definitely not the best policy, according to Liam Neeson today.

Despite decades of people insisting that honesty is the best policy, Neeson can today confirm that being honest about an incident where you regret your actions leads to nothing good.

He explained, “I did something I’m not proud of, at a time when my mind probably wasn’t right due to a traumatic event in the life of someone close to me, but no-one got hurt and I soon realised I was wrong. I’m ashamed of how I behaved.

“But it turns out I should have kept my big mouth shut, because stories about people realising they were behaving in a terrible way are clearly not something the public is ready for.

“It seems no-one is interested in the ‘realised I was wrong’ bit, and more in the ‘went around angrily looking for revenge’ bit.

“It’s almost like the media is more interested in painting someone as a villain than they are in a story about someone changing for the better.”

A reporter following the story told us, “I have a very special set of skills, I will find you, I will interview you, and I will cherry pick the most sensationalist elements of what you say to drive eyeballs at my words.”

Politicians from across the spectrum have face-palmed at the ridiculous notion that telling the truth will bring you anything but misery.

As one told us, “What a naive simpleton. If he doesn’t want people to think he’s racist he should just paint ‘I love black people’ on the side of bus and drive it across the country.”

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