Wednesday 6 February 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Crack team of Brexiters to annex Ireland and rename it West Hampshire


group of business people

A crack team of Brexiters have decided to take radical action to eliminate difficulties surrounding the backstop by annexing Ireland and renaming it West Hampshire.

Frustrated by the Government ignoring a perfectly reasonable petition to invite Ireland to rejoin the United Kingdom, the Brexiters set their plan in motion.

“Well, I had some airmiles left, so I booked some flights into Dublin,” said Simon Williams, bra enthusiast, former boy scout and team leader.

“Trevor’s booked us into a Travelodge which we’ll use as our base camp.”

The group intend to spend a couple of days sewing dissent before they strike.

“We’ll go to some pubs and talk to people about how the EU are all horrible, smelly French people who don’t like bananas and sausages, and that Britain is loads better.”

With the people of Dublin whipped into an anti-EU frenzy, they will then march on the Government, secure the Taoiseach’s resignation, rename the country West Hampshire and fly home.

“We might stop off for a tour of the Croke Park first, and Trevor wants to get a Matchbox Guinness van for his collection, but yes, we should be back by next Thursday and then we can finally achieve our glorious Brexit.”

In a gesture of goodwill to the people of West Hampshire, Mr Williams is prepared to compromise over the country’s new name.

“Oh god, yes, of course. We’re not dictators, if they’d prefer West Wiltshire to West Hampshire then we’ll be fine with that.

“But, I’m sure they’ll just be glad to be rid of that silly foreign name of Eire and have it replaced with something sensible.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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