It’s not f*cking Christmas yet, advertisers told

Advertisers have been reminded it’s still twatting well November today.

November, which is famous for not having Christmas in it, seems to have inexplicably become a dumping ground for heart-wrenchingly twee fables about family with an ulterior motive of getting you to buy more crisps.

“Christmas is over a month away, and already if I hear one more advert open with a jingling of bells and a jolly, plummy voice telling me the route to happiness is buying more shit I swear to God I’ll stab someone,” said merry, festive advert-watcher Simon Williams.

“If they used the adverts to suggest I went shopping to get away from the collection of bastards I call my family, that’d be fine.

“But no. They’re suggesting I make more of an effort to hang out with them based on an event five weeks in the future.”

However, the advertising industry is unrepentant, pointing out they’ve got to get the Christmas adverts out of the way early to make room in the schedules for the Easter adverts which will start on Boxing Day.