Tuesday 20 November 2018 by EssBee

Shooting people now USA’s third most popular pastime


Shootings in America now popular past time

Following yesterday’s massacre at a Chicago hospital, shooting people is now the third most popular way to spend leisure time in the United States, being kept off the top spot only by traditional stalwarts basketball and baseball.

It is believed that with many smaller communities not having access to major sports outlets, along with the rising cost of baseball bats and gloves, shooting people is seen as the perfect low-cost alternative to conventional hobbies.

Simon Williams, a ranch-hand in Texas told us today that he wasn’t surprised by the popularity of shooting people.

Speaking in a southern drawl, he said, “I’m not at all surprised that this has happened. I’ve had three new baseball bats and each one of ‘em has broken after less than a year, the last one when I just very, very gently hit the dog with it. But in that time, I’ve had six guns and they’re all still working. I could’ve killed loads of dogs.”

Such is the popularity of shooting people, almost 13,000 of them have been killed in the USA this year, almost exclusively by Americans gunning each other, or themselves, down in cold blood.

Although basketball and baseball still draw the biggest crowds, with President Trump keen to continue to invest millions of pounds into the sport’s governing body, the NRA, many Americans are hoping the it could take the top spot within the next five years.

Chuck Wayne, who has 42 rifles and is hoping to get another from his kids at Christmas, said that he is hopeful that the sport can become number one.

He explained, “We now have a President who believes in us and is committed to making shooting people our national sport. We are already the envy of the rest of the world and I can’t see it stopping. God Bless America.”

Like the man said, God Bless America.

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