‘I could negotiate a better deal with the 27 EU nations’ insists man unable to convince 27 Tories to write a letter

author avatar by 6 years ago

Jacob Rees-Mogg has told party insiders that he could definitely negotiate a better deal with the EU, if only he could negotiate a few more Tories to write a letter.

With the 1922 Committee still yet to receive sufficient letters of no confidence to trigger a leadership contest, it appears that the legendary negotiating skills of Jacob Rees-Mogg have failed in the challenge of getting his fellow Conservative MPs to put pen to paper.

Rees-Mogg explained, “The challenge of satisfying the needs of 27 sovereign nations, each with the own agenda, is an extremely simple one if only we take an aggressive stance – such as the one I am taking in calling for a vote of no confidence in the prime minister.

“Yes, so far I have yet to secure the requisite number of letters, but that is only because people aren’t getting behind my plan. They need to believe that 48 letters will be received. Faith in the possible is what’s needed now.”

Backbencher Simon Williams told us, “Yeah….No. Sorry. Jacob is a nice enough chap, but challenging the prime minister like that when his own Brexit plan is as laughably naive as a toddler demanding ice-cream and threatening to go off in a huff?

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“It’s almost like he’s had a lifetime of being told what a clever boy he is and has now decided that’s true.

“Frankly, if he can’t convince another 27 Tories to back his call for a leadership contest, then I don’t see how he can convince 27 EU member states to give us anything better than Theresa has already secured.

“The will of the people? He doesn’t even represent the will of the people sat either side of him in the commons.”