David Cameron confident that everyone is over that whole pig f*cking thing

Former Prime Minister David Cameron has floated the idea of a return to frontline politics after admitting his confidence that the story about his liaison with the mouth of a dead pig is now pretty much over and everyone’s forgotten about it.

A friend explained he would consider a return to the cabinet, confident that the nation has entirely forgotten his porcine proclivities

“Look, it’s the British people we’re talking about here,” said a spokesperson for Mr Cameron.

“Sober, reflective, and utterly respectful of those in government – both previously and potentially. I’m pretty confident that they’ve all moved on from what is a fairly trivial penis.

“Sorry, a fairly trivial penis story.”

The spokesperson then made a plea to treat the former Prime Minister fairly.

“What I’d ask everyone to do is focus on all the times that David Cameron didn’t put his penis into a dead pig’s mouth. Those are the times that really count.

“I mean, most days, Mr Cameron woke up, and asked himself if he wanted to put his penis into a dead pig and said ‘No.’ There was just one day he got that answer wrong. I don’t think we need to focus on that particular day.”

Finally, he sought to underline Mr Cameron’s competency and ability to return to politics.

“It has been said that someone who allows himself to be persuaded to put his own genitals into the mouth of a dead pig may not be the strongest negotiator in the world, but I refute that entirely.

“Imagine the things he didn’t do that night.”

Things David Cameron has f*cked – t-shirt