Stopping an investigation into Arron Banks isn’t even the worst decision I made that week, insists Theresa May

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Theresa May has played down rumours that she decided to prevent the nation’s security services investigating Arron Banks and his funding sources before the Brexit referendum, insisting that she makes far worse decisions on a weekly basis.

As reports emerged that while Home Secretary she said ‘No’ to a security services request to look further into the man almost single-handedly bankrolling the Brexit campaign, the prime minister has claimed this particular incident doesn’t even register when she lies awake at night thinking about all the terrible decisions she’s made in her career.

She told reporters outside number 10, “Look, I understand you’re interested in this now that Mr Banks has been referred to the National Crime Agency for all the stuff I knew about way back in 2016, but you’re blowing this all up out proportion.

“Yes, as Home Secretary I might have prevented the security services from looking further into a man who may well have subverted democracy in this country by using money from foreign actors – but honestly, I’ve done a lot worse. So much worse.

“At least once a week I make a decision that proves to be catastrophic for me personally, or for the country; so stopping the nation’s security services taking a proactive look at someone who it turns out should have been looked at, is really not that big a deal.

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“I made Boris Johnson Foreign Secretary and sent him out into the world on our nation’s behalf – that alone should be enough to see me sacked.  Then I hired David Davis to run the Brexit negotiations, only to sit back and watch him achieve the sum total of fuck all for 18 months – that too should be an error of judgement so severe it warrants a resignation.

“So being responsible for allowing Arron Banks to potentially be at the heart of a criminal conspiracy to undermine our democratic process? Nah. I’ll get over it.”