Planet Earth to search for better deal by switching away from the Sun as main energy provider

Planet Earth is planning to switch from using the Sun as its energy supplier, in order to get a better deal on its fuel bills.

The planet of seven billion people used a well-known price comparison website to change its current deal, thought to be extremely wasteful, as only 0.00002% of the energy provided is actually received by the planet’s inhabitants.

Self-taught solar scientist non-Professor Simon Williams, said, “The current deal we’re on isn’t very cost-effective and, as Martin Lewis is always advising us, we should regularly shop around to find better energy deals.

“Currently, the Sun has a real monopoly on energy provision, and The Competition and Markets Authority is very much against this sort of behaviour: trying to encourage us to use a plethora of alternative suppliers.

“Civilisation has not actually got long to go, certainly much less than the 5 billion years than the Sun has left. It makes more sense to use a faster-burning star to generate more energy more quickly, especially in these times of energy crisis we will be facing due to chronic overpopulation.

“Bigger star burning faster equals more energy for everyone. This makes much more sense to anyone who knows as much about solar power as I do, we find one of those and we’ll all be winners.”

Energy will instead now come from Alpha Centauri, a much bigger star nearer the end of its life. A spokesman for the star said it was very pleased with Planet Earth’s decision and will begin supply as soon as possible in 4.367 years.

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