Police bring in elite dancing unit ahead of Notting Hill Carnival

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A Metropolitan Police spokesman has revealed plans for a radical new approach to policing the Notting Hill Carnival, with police undertaking elite dance training ahead of the event.

A team of dancehall specialists have been flown in from Jamaica to train the Met in the various dance moves associated with the musical genre.

Speaking at a press conference last night, Sergeant Demus said, “Over the years a tradition has developed that has seen members of the police force photographed while dancing with Carnival revellers.

“Historically, the officers have appeared wooden and possessed of two left feet. This year, we have provided officers with the training that will ensure that they can follow the basic rhythm and at least possess a few basic skills required to pull off a bogle without suffering abject humiliation.”

Owing to cutbacks to the Policing budget, it is understood that the entire carnival policing operation will consist of one policeman situated every hundred yards around the route, each of whom will be given a raised platform where they will show off such moves as ‘The Butterfly’ and the much loved ‘Willy Bounce’.

As well as providing opportunities for photographs, the tactic also has a functional use as an effective form of conflict de-escalation.

In a method first trialled in The Philippines during civil unrest in the early 1990s, officers will challenge troublemakers to ‘Dance Offs’, rather than moving to immediately arrest them.

It is thought that the shame of being shown to be a worse dancer than a member of the constabulary is at least as effective a deterrent against crime as rubber bullets or pepper gas.