Political world stunned as Jeremy Corbyn splits with Nigel Farage over Brexit

Jeremy Corbyn sent a shockwave through Westminster last night by declaring that Labour would not be supporting like-minded ideologues Nigel Farage’s or Jacob Rees-Mogg’s stance on leaving the Customs Union.

Simon Williams, the political correspondent for the Guardian, explained that no one quite knew what to make of the news.

“It’s such a paradigm shift. For ages, Jeremy Corbyn’s socialist beliefs have made him the key ally of brexiteers who think having to pay staff is an insufferable imposition on freeborn whites by tyrannical eurocrats.

“But now we have to redraw the political map of the UK and think of a world where the leader of the Labour Party actually opposes policies by people who consider Thatcher a closet leftie.

“Where do we go from here? Can Theresa May even finish Brexit without an opposition leader that forces his MPs to rubberstamp any decision a bunch of harrumphing Etonians impose upon her?”

“What’s next? Labour telling UKIP groupies up north to fuck off for being racist twats? Jeremy Corbyn deciding that the UK’s future should be built on established links with 27 like-minded democracies and not on a hypothetical trade deal with a xenophobic US president who panders to the worst instincts of American ultra-nationalism?”

Sources inside the Labour part suggest that Jeremy Corbyn was swayed after a marathon meeting with every Labour MP not suffering from early onset dementia.

Eventually, they manage to convince him leaving the customs union would make it much more difficult for Labour to invite Catalan ska bands or Lithuanian eco-poets to perform at their conference.