New Minister of Loneliness immediately assigned to 61-year-old female Downing Street resident

A new government minister, appointed to tackle the problems faced by those who have become detached from society has been assigned to look after Theresa May, a 61-year-old Prime Minister from London.

Tracey Crouch admitted today that her new role – helping those who have no friends or find themselves floundering helplessly after making unwise life choices – looked to be ‘challenging’, particularly her first case.

Speaking to our reporter earlier she said, “Having met Mrs May on more than one occasion I feel that my main challenge will be persuading her that she needs the type of assistance that we can offer.

“She can be a stubborn lady, which can often be the case when they get to that age, but it’s up to me to get her out of her rut.”

It is thought that Ms Crouch’s other role, as vice-chair of the All Party Parliamentary Groups on Dementia will help her greatly in this particular case.

Mrs May, a vicars daughter gone bad, started to hit problems around two years ago, when she got herself into a pattern of biting off more than she could chew, thinking over and over again that it was a good idea.

She went from being ‘quite unpopular’ to ‘unpopular’ before making some poor life choices which resulted in many of her friends leaving her and going to stay with her Uncle Jeremy.

Having chosen some new friends, she thought all was well, until these were revealed to be a bunch of deviant pervert types who dropped her firstly to ‘very unpopular’, through ‘extremely unpopular’ and down to ‘despised’.

Ms Crouch, however, remains upbeat, assuring us that she is confident that she can get Mrs May back up to the dizzy heights of ‘unpopular’ or even, in time, ‘quite unpopular’.

It is thought that the government will review the role following such a difficult trail case.

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →