New Year Honours list ‘an absolute joke’, claims lazy bastard who has never helped anyone else

A lazy, selfish bastard who has never lifted a finger to help anyone else has labelled the New Year Honours list a ‘complete joke’.

Forty-eight-year-old Barry Worthington became apoplectic with rage after reading the list of people set to be thanked for their inspirational work in improving the lives of others.

“Giving Knighthoods to Barry Gibb and Ringo Starr has totally devalued the honours system,” he fumed.

“Anyone can sing a song or bang a drum. Just because they’ve helped to sell a combined 700 million albums between them and have given musical pleasure to literally hundreds of millions of people doesn’t make them anymore inspirational than the average man in the street.

“And Darcey Bussell? What an absolute joke.

“I sit on my arse and judge people all the time, but 9 million people watch Strictly Come Dancing each week, and nobody reads my tweets, so apparently that means she becomes a Dame.”

Worthington – who sits on his sweaty arse every night, watching TV and slagging off people he knows absolutely nothing about – also poured scorn on the many charity workers, civil servants and politicians who selflessly give up hours of their own free time to help other people.

And he wasn’t alone in his views, with many others also unhappy about people who aren’t them being recognised for things they themselves have never done.

“I’m way better than that Nick Clegg, all he did was lie to the entire electorate to enjoy a fleeting taste of victory, so I can’t believe I didn’t get a Knighthood,” said a bloke only giving his name as Nigel.

Advertisement

WANT TO GET RIDOF ALL THE ADS?

Support topical satire for the price of one coffee month!

SUBSCRIBE HERE →