David Davis announces breakthrough in search for new stupid name for Brexit deal

Following months of hard work, the Department for Exiting the EU has chosen ‘Canada Plus Plus Plus’ to be the official asinine moniker for whatever deal Brussels feels like giving the UK.

Appearing on the Andrew Marr show, David Davis set out a bold strategy to seize on some paltry difference in the UK’s deal to say that the ‘Canadians never got that’.

Although cautious of getting into too much detail, Mr Davis indicated that the absence of tariffs on Britain’s non-existent exports of maple syrup would be hyped up as a great triumph.

However, some political observers believe the minister for Brexit was deflecting any possible criticism of his role in securing an agreement with Michel Barnier, as explained the Guardian’s European Affairs editor Simon Williams.

“It’s been a hard month for David Davis. He became the butt of jokes for trying to bluff his way out of acknowledging his department had nothing to show for millions of pounds and a year of work.

“Worse still, the actual deal had to be clinched by Theresa May flying over to Brussels and doing what he was supposed to be doing for months.”

Asked for a comment about the possibility of preferential treatment for Great Britain, the EU press spokesperson explained that Canada was the warm cuddly version of the USA that everybody likes.

Whereas the UK was viewed as a dying nation of arrogant bigots and that the growing consensus in Europe was that it could “fuck off and go choke on Rupert Murdoch’s dick.”

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