Boris Johnson promising to be on best behaviour during visit to ‘flying-carpet land’

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Foreign secretary Boris Johnson has promised to be sensitive as he visits Iran for crucial talks.

The bloated bumblegit arrived in Iran yesterday to discuss a number of topics, including the possible release of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, who faces a longer prison sentence thanks to Boris Johnson’s idiotic mouth.

The Foreign Secretary will call for the release of the 37-year-old mother-of-one on humanitarian grounds, amid fears that he will just turn the whole situation into even more of an almighty cock-up.

Seeking to reassure his critics, Boris told reporters, “Well, here I am in the land of bad breath and flying carpets. I mean, Persia. That is to say, Iran. Golly, it is hard to keep up, what?

“Anyway, I’ll be meeting with the Iranian equivalent of a prime minister, if such a person exists, and I’m sure we’ll clear up this little business of Nazanin in no time at all, and she’ll be on the next flight home.”

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Beaming proudly he added, “All I have to do is remember to say she is a spy.

“What’s that? Oh yes – oops. She’s NOT a spy. That’s the one.

“My word, it is a good job one can’t get fired from Theresa May’s cabinet for incompetence, isn’t it?”