Vaginal seeding does not work on 71-year-old US Presidents, doctors tell Trump

Grabbing a handful of pussy to boost your immune system has no net beneficial effect on the health of world leaders over the age of sixty-five, doctors have warned Donald Trump.

The pussy-grabber-in-chief had, until recently, attributed his robust health down to a series of brushes with vaginas from which he may have picked up essential ‘good’ bacteria.

And doctors believe Trump’s hands may hold a valuable ecosystem of microbes that could benefit others, depending on how often he washes them.

Through a process known as vaginal seeding, Trump could transfer lifelong immunity to newborns across the globe merely by touching them on the forehead

And with deadly bacterial infections on the rise, scientists reckon the future of humanity could lie within the grubby paws of right-wing fucknuts everywhere.

Vaginal specialist, Simon Williams, said, “Trump’s failure to contract VD suggests his immune system is doing ok for a man of his age, but no more than that.

“However, his hands may potentially hold more good bacteria than a family tub of Yakult.

“We should be encouraging the US President to commit indecent assault on a more regular basis, if indeed he ever has done – for legal reasons.

“Rather than fucking up the planet, this self-confessed germophobe may actually be the key to saving it.”

Williams added, “Other leaders, past and present, we could benefit from include John Major, who touched more than one vagina, and Theresa May, who definitely owns one.”