Social media pundits running out of alternative public spending items that £1 billion could buy

Angry political junkies are resorting to increasingly irrelevant comparisons of what the sum paid to get DUP support could be spent on.

Simon Williams, who runs the No Pasaran Shoreditch blog, says that all the good options were taken within an hour of the announcement.

“Everybody googled the average nurse’s salary and did fag packets calculations. But pretty soon you run out of firefighters, coppers or teachers and you’re making tweets about how you could recruit 20,000 more social workers.

“By the end of the day, we were telling people about many Best Practice auditors or National Trust curators we could employ if it wasn’t for Theresa May’s desperate attempts to cling to power. It doesn’t really generate the same outrage.”

Momentum activist Amanda Rezian, who spends 15 hours a day on Facebook, also struggled to find fresh comparisons to express her disgust at the “heartless Tory scum”.

“Turns out a billion quid doesn’t build that many hospitals. Shitloads of City Council storage annexes though. After that, it’s either a handful of Eurofighters or ridiculous bollocks like a trillion paperclips. Why are we giving the Irish money anyway? Aren’t they a different country now?”

Asked by a Guardian journalist how many people could avoid being burned alive if the DUP money was spent on fireproofing residential towers, a spokesman for number 10 pretended very hard to give a fuck before blaming everything on Gordon Brown.

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