Warm weather sees first racists of spring trying to turn black

The balmy spring weather has seen thousands of Britain’s racists stripping off in gardens and parks the length and breadth of the country in a bid to darken their skins and become more like the people they would like to see thrown out of the country.

In London, dozens of Britain First members gathered in Hyde Park to expose their puffy, corpulent flesh to the warm spring sunshine; while in Leeds, over 20 UKIP supporters were spotted trying to turn black in a park close to the town hall.

One of their number, already sporting a red, peeling nose and wearing a “We took back control” baseball cap and a pair of Union Jack shorts, told us, “It’s our English birthright to make ourselves look as close to Africans as possible every time there’s a brief glimpse of the sun.

“Now that we’ve got our country back there’ll be a lot more sunshine to go around for us white people after the immigrants came over here and took most of it.

“You’ve only got to look at the bloody colour of ’em to see that.”