Man finally has excuse for not trimming his pubic hair

39-year-old Simon Williams has announced his delight at his policy of avoiding pubic topiary finally being vindicated.

With research showing that people who don’t trim their pubic area have fewer sexually transmitted infections, Williams said packing a major bush has never been more advantageous.

He told us, “I’ve never clipped so much as a single pube. Not one. These days, some of them hang down as far as my knees when they’re wet.

“Obviously when they’re dry they look like a giant afro atop a witch’s nose. They’re quite the sight, let me tell you.

“They’ve generated quite a few gasps over the years, but I’ve always been proud of my bush, even when it was considered unfashionable.

“But now, with this news, I can add ‘I’m less likely to give you the clap’ to my chat-up lines.

“I’m even changing my Tinder profile pic to one of my man-bush.

“I’ll be swamped, you just watch.”

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