Samsung to release exploding Note 8 in time for Bonfire Night

Samsung is to release the Note 8, the latest in its line of exploding smartphones, in time for Bonfire Night according to a company spokesman.

Si-Mon Williams from Samsung’s head office in Seoul said that the new phone would shower users in a larger and richer array of coloured sparks than its predecessor, and offered a “deeper, more resonant” explosion sound.

Williams added, “We had problems with the release of the Note 7 in August.

“We missed America’s 4th July celebrations – that’s a huge market for things that explode in a shower of brightly-hued shrapnel.

“This one will be out in plenty of time for Britain’s Guy Fawkes market.”

The latest model will explode in a range of different colours, designed to make people cry “Oooh!” and “Aaah!” as they wait in line at their local burns unit.

Williams also said that as well as exploding without notice in the user’s hand with the force of a stun grenade, the phone would definitely still have a standard 3.5mm headphone socket.

“We’re not complete fucking idiots.”