UKIP enjoys credibility boost as defence spokesman Hookem turns out to be hard as f*ck

Hookem came to members’ attention after becoming involved in an altercation with fellow UKIP MEP Steven Woolfe over Woolfe’s attempted defection to the rival Conservative Party.

The North Yorkshire MEP apparently punched Woolfe so hard that he almost died, and quite probably shat himself while unconscious, emphatically vindicating Hookem’s appointment as defence minister.

“This perfectly illustrates what I love about UKIP,” said long time member Simon Williams, who lives in Rochester. “While Labour and the Tories prove themselves to be incompetent time and time again by giving defence jobs to weak old men or even women, UKIP uses common sense every time.

“I mean,” he continued, “When Vladimir Putin marches into Buckingham Palace with his top off demanding a judo match to the death, what’s Michael Fallon going to do? Nothing.

“And Corbyn’s even worse. He gave Maria Eagle the job of shadow defence secretary. I ask you! He might as well have appointed a child or a gay. Absolutely hopeless.”

Hookem is expected to enjoy a significant boost in popularity following his total pasting of Woolfe, and there are even calls for interim leader Nigel Farage to step down and name Hookem ‘Cock of the Party’ with immediate effect.