Tony Blair is said to be ‘inconsolable’ as yet another year passes by without him being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
“Tony’s distraught,” said wife Cherie.
“He’s sobbing into his ‘George W Bush for Third Term’ sweatshirt because, yet again, the Nobel committee have overlooked his achievements for peace.”
Mrs Blair went on to explain Mr Blair’s credentials for the prize.
“Yes, he had one utterly disastrous intervention in Iraq that killed millions, destabilised the entire region and potentially paved the way for Daesh. We all understand that.
“But think of the countries he didn’t invade.
“Imagine if he’d done the same with Chile, Belgium, the Philippines – the world would be in utter turmoil.
“But he didn’t, he maintained the peace across the whole world. Except Iraq. So we do feel that it is a little unfair that he keeps being overlooked for the Peace Prize.
“Tony Blair – Nobel Peace Laureate for maintaining the peace in Belgium and Chile. Is that so mad?”
Mrs Blair has her suspicions regarding the continued Nobel snubs.
“Well, I can only assume that Gordon’s involved somehow, the fat, weird-eyed Scotch shit.”
She also reassured everyone that Mr Blair would recovery from his funk.
“Oh yes, the family will rally round. We’ve got the kids and their families round on Saturday and Euan’s been to Timpson’s to get a little trophy with ‘Blair Nobel Peace Prize for ever’ on it.
“And if Leo wears his anti-Iraq War T-shirt, he’s getting a clip round the ear.
“But seriously, if Henry Kissinger can get a Nobel Peace Prize, why not?”