Man’s ‘spa weekend’ consisted of pork pie, damp dog and pint of mild

A man has reported ‘feeling rejuvenated’, after a spa weekend spent in his shed.

Work colleagues had suggested that Simon Williams would benefit from a break, after self-taught healologist Jill from Accounts noticed his chakra was ‘wonky’.

With its natural pine surroundings and sports ranging from Rusty Swingball to Musty Hacky Sack, Williams’ shed is the perfect place for a two-day break.

“I spent the first morning wearing just a towel, and my face covered in mud,” said Williams.

“Well, it was potting compost, but I guess that’s close enough.”

The treatment was briefly interrupted by a commotion at ‘reception’, but Williams dealt with this by simply letting his dog in.

“It was really nice to get away from it all, I’ve never felt so relaxed,” claimed Williams.

“And by peeing on my log burner, I even managed to have a sauna.”

Williams estimates the break cost him around £3.60, although that doesn’t include the pack of 10 Marlboro Lights he found stashed in the lawn mower.

“Lovely,” coughed Simon.

“This is the life. And after lunch, I’m going to try and stack some warm potatoes on my cock.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →