Religious groups embrace Apple Watch as ultimate virginity preserver

Christian groups and other religious organisations have thrown their backing behind the Apple Watch, praising its ability to preserve the virginity of those who wear them.

Dubbed by some as ‘the purity ring for the millennial generation’, the Apple Watch all but guarantees the wearer will remain untouched by the opposite sex, and as such has earned the acclaim of abstinence groups nationwide.

“We’re thrilled to see Apple take a meaningful stance on encouraging purity, chastity and abstinence education through the release of their watch,” said a spokesperson from YesHeIsWatching.org.

“Finally young people have a symbol they can wear that proudly proclaims they have all but abandoned engaging in sexual activity.”

Sexual health experts have also praised the Apple Watch for it’s powerful contraceptive effects.

A spokesperson from the Department of Health told us, “Despite all the advances in technology, medicine and education, unfortunately abstinence is still the most effective method in helping people avoid unwanted pregnancies and STIs – two things Apple Watch owners certainly won’t have to worry about.”

“Apple’s approach is very refreshing. The designers have clearly thought about the message that its predominantly young, male user base can communicate to the world without even speaking.”

“As a proven sexual repellent, just looking at someone wearing an Apple Watch tells you they definitely won’t be having  sex any time soon.”

“Yes it’s far more expensive than a purity ring, but also far more effective.”

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