Jesus told his disciples to let immigrants die of AIDS, insists Nigel Farage

author avatar by 9 years ago

Letting immigrants die of AIDS is completely compatible with Christian values because it’s precisely what Jesus did, according to Ukip leader Nigel Farage this morning.

After criticism of his stance on HIV-suffering immigrants, Farage insisted it was definitely the Christian thing to do because that’s how Jesus dealt with all the sick people in the Bible.

Farage told waiting reporters, “You might try to suggest I’m a sociopath devoid of human emotion, but I’m only suggesting we do exactly what Jesus did.”

“Jesus looked at all the sick people before performing a detailed cost benefit analysis that showed the people of his region would be better off if he didn’t treat any of them, and he then suggested they built a big wall around Nazareth to keep more foreign sick people out.”

“Remember he was the son of God, he could have stopped everyone dying indefinitely, but he didn’t, did he.”

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“People died regularly in the time of Jesus, and that’s because he decided that was the best thing for the indigenous population.”

“Now, I realise some of this might have been lost in translation, but I assure this is what he actually did.”

“Trust me, I’m a politician.”