Belief in Lance Armstrong to qualify for religious status

As the weight of evidence against Lance Armstrong continues to grow, those who insist this means nothing have sought  to protect their ridiculous beliefs and faith-based assertions by claiming religious status.

Usada have released a report in which they have compiled 1,000 pages of proof, yet many Armstrong fans refuse to give up on his fairy tale.

One of Armstrong’s lawyers said, “There are thousands of us who still believe Lance Armstrong is an amazing athlete who never cheated at anything, and we deserve the same protection other groups get despite them being at odds with all the evidence.”

“We don’t have a bible as such, but we’ve got a few best sellers we could use as our religious tomes.”

“I quite like making the argument of ‘Lance Armstrong must be innocent because the book we worship says he is innocent’. I’ve seen plenty of Christians use that one.”

Lance Armstrong believers

Experts worldwide are struggling to understand why some people’s continuing belief in Armstrong’s innocence is bordering on a religious blindness.

Sociologist Simon Williams mused, “It is a testament to the human imagination that people can still engage in a story which has been discredited for years and years and years.”

“The Armstrong saga is another example where many have stubbornly remained advocates for the retired cyclist in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.”

“If someone can find a way of likening the loss of a testicle to being crucified then this movement could run for a couple of thousand years.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →