Cosmetic surgery ad ban ‘could lead to increase in product placement’

Cosmetic surgeons could be facing a ban on advertising, but watchdogs fear such a move could lead to a ‘huge swell’ in product placement.

A barrage of clever adverts is persuading orange people as young as 7 to save up for bags of gloop to be surgically stuffed up them, often with little thought.

But small ads in Loot for back-street surgeons have led to an epidemic of shoddy French bosoms, their owners unable to stretch to efficient German ‘überbrusts’.

“Fortunately, product placement on television should get us around any ban”, declared Dr Bryan Chumley of the Living Doll Foundation.

“It’s hard to cut all our products from the cameras, at least without anaesthetic.”

Plastic surgery

Many in the media have embraced the chance to promote vain, needless surgery.

Ant or Dec was reportedly paid a six-figure sum to undergo 9 hours of lifts, tucks and hammering, the duo now present their prime-time show as a ‘before and after’.

It’s not just vain morons that surgeries are targeting, they’re happy to mutilate anyone who likes to show off with their money.

News fans immediately noticed Robert Peston’s new 8-pound top lip, as he pouted his way through a gloomy economic forecast.

But the sultry political editor isn’t the only commentator trying to woo viewers into hospital bed, the sheer scale of Andrew Neil’s head has led to fierce competition.

“We’re keen to tattoo it with our logo then burn it off again with lasers”, explained Dr Chumley. “It’s such a standard procedure, we can do it in front of a live studio audience.”

As with any cosmetic procedure, there are risks that a patient may not pull it off. Some think Huw Edwards has taken matters too far, with complaints that his 44DDs are ‘unrealistic’.

“I know it’s tough for news presenters to keep their jobs after they hit a certain age”, conceded one viewer. “I’m just not sure why he wanted to be fitted with five of them.”