Only the children of people on benefits play truant, concludes man in charge of country

The man who is in charge of the country, David Cameron, has concluded that the parents of children who regularly fail to attend school are definitely on benefits and must be punished.

Speaking on Friday Mr Cameron revealed that he has asked the social policy review to look into cutting the benefits of people whose children constantly play truant.

The news has come as a relief to those parents who don’t claim benefits, but whose children continually bunk off.

“I’m no expert, but it seems that Mr Cameron has determined that the best way to incentivise my children to attend school is to punish poor people,” said 43 year-old Graham Kinnington.

“Obviously I’m delighted that Mr Cameron has decided to spare me any punishment, but I’m not entirely sure how it’s going to work.”

“Perhaps he’s hoping that seeing poor people lose what little money they have will make my children feel guilty? Yeah, good luck with that.”

Truancy benefits

Mr Cameron, who was speaking at the opening of one of England’s first free schools, the Norwich Free School, said that punishing people on benefits was the best way to fix the “broken society” and he was looking at ways to punish them further.

“Other ideas that are on the table include cutting benefits to parents who are on benefits, cutting benefits to anyone applying for benefits and cutting benefits to anyone on benefits” he guffed.

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →