Scientists reclassify the shortest measurable unit of time as that which occurs between Tommy Robinson’s mate being arrested and the launch of his fundraising page

The world of physics is in shock after scientists announced the reclassification of the shortest measurable unit of time following the arrest of Tommy Robinson’s mate Danny Tommo.

Previously, the attosecond held the prestigious title of shortest measurable unit of time, but it has now been dethroned by the infinitesimal interval between one of Tommy Robinson’s mates being arrested and somebody asking Robinson’s supporters to send them money.

The discovery came after far-right activist Danny Tommo was arrested on suspicion of several offences, including criminal damage with intent to endanger life, following an incident in the English Channel.

Tommo had helpfully livestreamed himself approaching an inflatable dinghy and apparently attacking it with a knife while an emergency responder was still aboard, thereby ensuring detectives wouldn’t have to waste too much time wondering who might have done it.

However, scientists were even more impressed by what happened next.

Dr Simon Williams explained, “One moment Danny Tommo was being arrested and the next there was a fundraising campaign asking people to pay for his lawyers.

“It happened so quickly that the fundraising appeal was circulating before most mainstream news organisations had even reported that he’d been arrested.

“We had to recalibrate our instruments because, initially, we assumed the arrest and the fundraiser were actually the same event.”

Researchers have provisionally named the new unit the Twattosecond, defined as the period between a far-right activist encountering the entirely predictable consequences of something they’ve filmed themselves doing, and those consequences becoming a monetisable opportunity.

Williams continued, “What’s particularly exciting is that we might eventually achieve what physicists call the Robinson Singularity, where the fundraising page exists before the arrest actually happens.

“Given how predictable some of these arrests are becoming, we’re probably not far away.”

Scientists say the discovery could revolutionise quantum computing, particle physics and online grifting.

Meanwhile, Robinson supporters were said to be furious that a man could apparently be arrested merely because police suspected him of committing serious offences after watching footage of him apparently filming himself doing the thing in question.

They have vowed to fight this unprecedented attack on British liberty just as soon as they’ve entered the three numbers from the back of their cards.

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